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texts from last night


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texts from last night

some examples:



(832): I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit

(303): I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex



(323): i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.

(818): she hot?

(323): i don't wanna talk about it



(914): ? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?

(773): jesus mom

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(415): I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.



(432): So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

(207): You need to stop watching Twilight.



(703): party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.



(603): Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?

(1-603): No...more like a life jacket.



(323): Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?

(310): You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?

(323): So...no?`



(248): Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be frackin sick.

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(650): sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.

(415): we had.

(650): well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.



(601): Are you drinking alone?

(662): no, i'm watching house

(601): That doesn't count.

(662): wtf, then i'm always alone



(925): Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?

(1-925): Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through



(405): I'm drunk

(615): Is that why you're texting me

(405): Yes

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(313): I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support




(508): So how was he last night?

(617): Five-minute foot-long.




(804): So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.




(712): She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...




(406): So, how was the dinner

(1-406): Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.

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(310): dude i need help, im throwing up blood.

(323): no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.

(310): oh, so thats why my junks red.

(323): wow. cant help you there...



(954): the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.


859): im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever


(917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks

(917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed

(917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?

(718): messed up. what color are the wings?



(727): im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night

(303): lol who won

(727): well im in the hospital right now so u tell me

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