Ben. Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Such drama going on in my life. Some of you may know, some of you may not.. Five years I spent with a woman, only for her behavior to drastically change over the last few months.. We inevitably split, so I'm left in a bit of a moral dilemma. Her mother called me today to ask wtf was going on between us, and; obviously sh*t has been stirred up and blamed upon me. However, I found that my ex significant other has been suffering from PTSD for a while.. She never mentioned it to me. Her mother talked and talked and talked until, well.. things were made just so very clear for me. Describes her behavior over the last half a year or so, why her moods have changed so drastically.. So here's the biggie. I told her to leave because I was tired of her acting strange. I honestly thought she was seeing someone else or something else was unfolding behind my back.. I obviously still hold feelings for this woman. If I didn't, I'd not be making this post and I'd not care. I jumped the gun, I assumed. I'm told she misses me, she's even made contact attempts.. But to have her mother go word for word with me on what's been going on with her.. Sorta bothers me that she never told me what was wrong. The question is -- should I try to make things right? Personal opinions are welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mpearce1974 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Sorry to see that! >_< Why was it over the last few months?? I assume something happened prior to being with you? Feel free to either Aim or PM me! I am on aim now mpearce1974 I would be more than happy to help\listen! I have had a few such dealings lately for some reason! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 17, 2008 Author Share Posted September 17, 2008 Well her grandmother died.. They were very close, I just never would have dreamed she'd have taken it like that. She seemed almost bulletproof through it, I was there for her through all of it. It's sorta' been festering over the last few months though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrIaN EG2 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 if it was nothing to really do with you two clashing then i would try to make things work.. if you still love her and she feels the same work it out man... no sense in losing something that you shouldnt lose in the first place if you need to talk, even though im an evo butthead boy lol, IM me on aim. DJ M0nk3y Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 17, 2008 Author Share Posted September 17, 2008 I'm told she's going to be seeing a therapist fairly regularly. I'll see how this works out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mpearce1974 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 5 years is a long time to invest, I agree it is well worth a chance, you would be crazy not to! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 17, 2008 Author Share Posted September 17, 2008 That's what I figured. It's one thing for her to say this but to have her family call me to ask what's wrong.. Yea, that's another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mpearce1974 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 That's what I figured. It's one thing for her to say this but to have her family call me to ask what's wrong.. Yea, that's another. So had you been ignoring her attempts to get ahold of you before mom called you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CleanGSR Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I would definitely sit down and talk with her about reconciliation. Make it clear to her that you love her (assuming you do) and that she must PROMISE to tell you next time when there is a problem so you can help her however possible. Communication is very important to a relationship. The fact that she is going to counseling helps and shows she's trying to get past it. If you really care for her, then it will mean a lot that you came back to her side to help her through it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 17, 2008 Author Share Posted September 17, 2008 No I've answered a few of them, truthfully I feel very much like an ass because I paid little or no attention to what she had to say.. When I call something off I generally mean to end it for good. Don't know why I'm like that, I just am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 17, 2008 Author Share Posted September 17, 2008 I would definitely sit down and talk with her about reconciliation. Make it clear to her that you love her (assuming you do) and that she must PROMISE to tell you next time when there is a problem so you can help her however possible. Communication is very important to a relationship. The fact that she is going to counseling helps and shows she's trying to get past it. If you really care for her, then it will mean a lot that you came back to her side to help her through it all. Yes that's..gonna' be the thing. She's a stubborn woman, almost as stubborn as I am, so getting her to talk when she doesn't want to.. yea, it's a task. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CleanGSR Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Yes that's..gonna' be the thing. She's a stubborn woman, almost as stubborn as I am, so getting her to talk when she doesn't want to.. yea, it's a task. Right, but the fact that she's tried contacting you means that she obviously wants you in her life. Be very consoling and understanding and I bet she'll open up to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerrodh Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Yeah try and fix it, I mean just be there for her and fix your guys problems first hand and try to address the fact that she should tell you whats going on for the sake of the relationship if nothing else. Kind of stupid to keep something like that from you don't really understand the thoughts behind that. GL dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 17, 2008 Author Share Posted September 17, 2008 She likes to think she's independent.. I know her as well as her parents do. Guess it's her pride, the thought of something taking a toll like that on her I guess she figured was hurtful? Beats me. We'll just.. Give it time. See how things unfold, especially now seeing as she's going to be seeing a therapist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 I'm beckoned to ask if it makes me a bad person if I thought she was..getting around on me? Prime example of her behavior was sleeping all day (as she's got money running through her family.. I make enough to support our bills, hobbies and habits..) and being up all night while I slept. She wasn't talkative..and when she was, she was short. Like I ask..does that make me bad for thinking that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
airjordan223 Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 I'm beckoned to ask if it makes me a bad person if I thought she was..getting around on me? Prime example of her behavior was sleeping all day (as she's got money running through her family.. I make enough to support our bills, hobbies and habits..) and being up all night while I slept. She wasn't talkative..and when she was, she was short. Like I ask..does that make me bad for thinking that? no it doesnt make you a bad person, everyone has those horrible feelings. try and get things going again, end of story. you guys talking about it will help a lot, make her feel more comfortable with you about this subject, that way you can freely talk about it and she wont have to hide it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 She's supposedly on her way over here from where she was staying.. I told her to pack a couple bags if she felt comfortable staying with me for a few nights so I guess we'll see how things go from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CleanGSR Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Awesome and good luck to you man. I hope all goes well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lceah Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 oh wow Ben...so that's what has been going on with her...aw...huuuuuuuugggssssss to you and her You are not bad for thinking those things. Every normal person would start to question what's going on. You knew her well enough to know she had changed. You just didn't know what it was, so in your head, you thought of reasons. Explain to her that you thought she didn't want you. Tell her you would have been there for her if she had told you. <--very important Show her you love her and care for her and support her through it all. Your love will help her soooo much in getting past this. You are her man in this. And tell her to talk to you next time. If you LISTEN to her and just let her talk, she will feel comfortable in talking to you about everything. (it's a woman thing that they need to be listened to) Also, you two being stubborn just means that you guys have to talk more and make sure you don't get crazy stubborn. Both my parents are very stubborn people (I'm so not like them) and the way they work it out is just by talking and compromising. (It's kinda hot when two stubborn people battle it out hehe) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 Stubborn fights usually end up in a grudge f*cking for some people. I won't point any fingers at anyone. ... <- Things were smooth..couple of hiccups. Gonna' try this again when she comes back over later this evening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerrodh Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Sounds like a good deal for you I have to pull teeth to get any nowadays and we're not even married. :help: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 19, 2008 Author Share Posted September 19, 2008 I was just told she wasn't worried about going to treatment.. When I congratulated her on her fear of not seeing a therapist she responded with "Oh no you misunderstood..I'm not seeing a therapist." She's gone again. And I don't think she's ever coming back to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRG7 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I'm confused as to what's going on. However, after being together for five years, she should be able to speak to you freely about what is going on with her. Communication is the most important part of any relationship. If it's not there, or if it's insufficient, it's not worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben. Posted September 19, 2008 Author Share Posted September 19, 2008 I don't care. Not anymore. I'm done trying to open up to people I feel close to. I always get bit in the ass somehow. I'm done with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lceah Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 aw huuuugsss I don't understand why she isn't talking and why she is being like that, but I would say keep trying?! Ben, it's a good thing you open up! Now you just gotta get her to do the same... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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