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Things not to say


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Things not to say to your girlfriends parents:


1. Wazzaaaaaap!

2. Five bucks says shes a D-cup

2. Whoa.. your wife is pretty hot too!!!

3. Gee, paps, you're not nearly as big a jackass as your daughter said you are.

4. Now, show me how you used to spank her.

5. Midnight?! No, ill bring her home when i'm finished with her!

6. No..No...It's ok, I kinda like it when your dog humps my leg.

7. Dude.. Did you fart or does your house always smell this bad?

8. My parole officer thinks that your daughter has a calming affect on me.

9. Man, living under the same roof with a "hottie" like that, I bet you wish you weren’t her father.

10. I wish those voices in my head would go away!

11. I'm a little short on cash, I think $50 should do it.

12. Can i pull my car in your garage? I don't know how long those cops will keep looking for me.

13. We're goin to keep our relationship quiet for now, My other girlfriend can be rather vindictive at times.

14. I feel like we have something in common, she calls me daddy too.

15. I just got my license today.

16. Do you think she would put out if i told her that i love her?

17. Hey..look I already have your daughter's name tattoed on my arm.

17. Gimme the keys to you car! Your backseat is bigger than mine.

18. Your daughter is attractive, but did you see the chest on her friend Lisa?


Things not to say to your girlfriend:


1. Did you just fart?

2. You remind me alot of my ex.

3. You've been a real drain on my wallet.

4. Yes, that outfit DOES make you look fat.

5. I guess this means I won't get any tonight, huh?

6. When your done ranting, get me another beer, will ya?

7. Would you ever consider breast enlargement?

8. Ohhh, you're so cute when you get all pissed off.

9. Whao there! Time out honey...the game is on.

10. Just get to the bottom line, will ya? I've got stuff to do.

11. Quit holding my hand, there are other girls around.

12. If you use more make-up, the circus could use you as a clown.

13. Check out the rack on that chick.

14. Whoa? You told me to be more affectionate, so i got another girlfriend.

15. Is THAT what you're wearing?!

16. How long do you sleep on you hair to get it like that?

17. Your're definatly not wife material.

18. You're alot more attractive when you dont talk.

19. Man, is it that time of the month again?!

20. Go buy yourself something and consider it a gift from me.


Things not to say on a date:


1. Nice ass!

2. Did you just fart?

3. And to think, i was really tryin to pick up your friend.

4. I hear you put out on the first date.

5. Well...your sister likes it when i do this.

6. Glad you could make it on short notice. My girlfriend was busy.

7. I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

8. Let's go to my place and do things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

9. I really feel that I've grown in the past few years..I never would have given someone like you a second look.

10. Nice dress, Could I borrow it sometime?

11. Those CAN'T be real.

12. I used to come here all the time with my ex.

13. This is a bit slow, do you have and hot friends we could call?

14. Wanna go back to my place and play video games?

15. I hope you're as good looking when i sober up.

16. So, is it safe to say I'm gonna score tonight?

17. Check out the rack on the that waitress!

18. And to think I didn't even have to buy you dinner.

19. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that with no problem.

20. If it's true we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.


Things not to say during sex:


1. I have to poop.

2. Smile for the camera!

3. Get off me, I'll do it myself!

4. This is your first time...right?

5. You're almost as good as my ex!

6. When is this supposed to feel good?

7. I thought YOU had the keys to the handcuffs?!

8. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a sheep home.

9. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper.

10. Hey! My friends were right! You ARE good!

11. On second thought, let's turn the lights off.

12. I'm sobering yo and you're gettin ugly!

13. But everybody looks funny naked!

14. Do I have to pay for this?

15. No! You're too fat to be on top, You'd kill me!

16. Acutally, your sister likes it like this.

17. What's your name again?

18. Hold on, let me change the channel.

19. It's nice being in bed with someone I don't have to inflate.

20. Uhhh...I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.

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