Jump to content

Hell explained by a chemistry student


Rick B.

Recommended Posts

"Hell Explained By Chemistry Student

 

The following is an actual question given on a Washington State University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

 

One student, however, wrote the following:

 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

 

This gives two possibilities:

 

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

 

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

 

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY A "

Link to comment
Share on other sites

*shrugs* your point? I've seen that probably half a dozen times before, but it's still hilarious.

Wow...I make a point about something being old or a repost, and people question me. But some noob with a grossly inflated postcount because of "this car or that car" threads gets nothing except from someone like me...priceless.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The version of this posted in the Chemistry/Physics Department of the University of North Florida does not have the bit about intercourse at the end and actually answers the question by giving rounded figures on the population and birth and death rates. Also, the version at UNF phrases the two responses in terms of exothermic and endothermic. The UNF version also explains why the student received credit, it was that he used the definitions of the terms endothermic and exothermic correctly, and wrote a sound arguement.

 

It is still old.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow...I make a point about something being old or a repost, and people question me. But some noob with a grossly inflated postcount because of "this car or that car" threads gets nothing except from someone like me...priceless.

 

Maybe it would've been more appropriate to say old doesn't necessarily mean... well, old... but I couldn't figure out a way that was both witty and accurate... And what inflated post-count? Mike's the post-whore, not me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe it would've been more appropriate to say old doesn't necessarily mean... well, old... but I couldn't figure out a way that was both witty and accurate... And what inflated post-count? Mike's the post-whore, not me.

 

 

he wasn't referring to you, he was talking about his arch-nemesis Dwayne :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Old or not (new to me) and its hilarious. But I find it hard to believe a student could be that funny and yet semi-serious enough to pull off a writing like that WITHOUT planning it, or something. I doubt it was on the fly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Old or not (new to me) and its hilarious. But I find it hard to believe a student could be that funny and yet semi-serious enough to pull off a writing like that WITHOUT planning it, or something. I doubt it was on the fly.

 

I dunno... that sounds a lot like what one of my friends could pull out of nowhere... It's certainly possible. It just takes a rather... unique personality. And a liking of Eddy Izzard... hmm...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Guidelines
We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.