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She needed time?


Humphries

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Okay so my girlfriend and I are on a break at the moment. she said she needs time to herself to figure things out and get her life on track.

 

there is seriously nothing wrong with us. she needs to get herself a job, work on her schooling, and deal with her parents getting divorced.

 

i have become a completely different person. i actually logged into her accounts and have spied on her a couple times. I really need someone to tell me how to stop. give me things to do to stop doing what i'm doing.

 

she told me last week she needed time to think and i have never been in this situation so i waited like 4-5 days without talking to her and tried to call and talk to her after then. she wouldnt answer. she then said she wants to stay friends but doesnt think she's ready to talk to me yet. i think she just wants alone time.

 

we were together 7.5 months and had no signs of breaking up. i bought her everything, i took her out, we never fought, we were my idea of a perfect couple.

 

but i pissed her off. she took my words and didnt really understand what i meant.

 

give me ideas. anything other people do to stop thinking about the girl that just broke up with them.

 

 

mainly just miss my best friend.

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how much is enough time to wait? what do i do?

 

 

i'm depressed. my therapist sister said so.

 

i believe it.

 

no job, no money, living with father, in debt, lost my best friend/girlfriend...

 

 

yeah... im pathetic.

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hey man. just take a step back and a deep breath.

i went through the same stuff with my ex over and over again.

 

look at yourself. youre so obsessed with her that you changed who you were and started spying on her. that is not a healthy relationship.

you might have been smothering her without even realizing it.

 

communication is a vital ingredient for any kind of relationship, but somewhere down the line, it was lost.

give her space, give her time to miss you. if its meant to be and if she really cares about you then she will come back.

but if you cant give her the space she needs, and if you keep calling or texting or whatever it is youre doing, then ultimately all you will end up doing is push her away which will further drive you into madness.

 

think of this down time as an opportunity to reflect and fix any possible flaws you may have or problems. then when its time to go back to her, you will go back a better version of yourself. just be confident.

 

and if it just wont work out between you two, then Im sorry. But you have to realize that you have friends who will be there for you in case that unfortunate and heart wrenching even happens. Youre a good person billy, a little bit of a nut, but a good person when it comes right down to it.

 

just relax, take a breath, and busy yourself with little projects to pass the time.

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Sleep with her sister.....should make you feel better and there would be no point in snooping on her anymore.

 

 

Seriously though, there's no easy way to get over someone you care about. All you can do is "mope" and try to get over it. With hope and luck maybe she will come back to you. If not, you'll eventually get over her and find a way to move on.

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Did you find anything in the accounts to lead you to believe that there is any other reason for her behavior? Since you didn't post about it, I'd assume you didn't. Therefore, you need to restore your trust in her (and while I would never condone lying, I'd suggest not telling her about going through the accounts if you want her to have any kind of trust left in you... just don't ever do it again). If you are that afraid that you'll go through the accounts again, take a break from the computer for a little while.

 

It seems like you both need time right now to figure out your lives. While it hurts to lose someone close to you, you need to focus on yourself just as much as she needs to focus on herself. This economy sucks, but you need to figure something out as far as getting a job or finding any kind of work goes. Spend time with your family (if you enjoy spending time with them) and your friends. Spend time alone doing things that you enjoy doing, or discover new things. You need to find ways to make yourself feel complete, be your own person.

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Sorry to say, but your girl just wants to be alone...and by that I mean she doesnt want to be your significant other, don't take this the wrong way im just being realistic from my experience, and im sure others will agree.

 

When a girl just all of sudden decides...hey I need to figure out myself...well thats what she really wants to do, but without any help from you or let alone others,,,my roomate is going through the same thing, buys the girl everything, she lost her job he supported her, he takes care of her two kids when she's out.....yea i suppose my friend is an idiot for doing that, but he really loves the girl.

 

Same case for me and my ex, I bought her everything, gave her the world, but she needed time apart to figure out herself, and in my case she ended up dating her manager...which if she told me we were done in the first place I would of been like cool im done peace, but she lead me on to think it will get better if we just gave it time.

It didnt because she ended up going out all the time and just getting closer to the other guy while distancing herself from me.

 

So yea man in your case seems like its no different from me and my friends. I think she wants to keep her options open as far as who else there may be out there. Who knows something might take the turns for the best in your favor, but right now your odds are 50/50. You should take some time to figure out your situation, do something to make yourself better, evaluate yourself. Don't sit there being depressed, don't think "what did I do wrong", don't thiink about her. Evaluate your situation, what do you need to do to make yourself get back on track, your in debt, your at home, im pretty sure thats not where you would like to be...but thats what I mean see what you can do to better yourself....by you doing that you'll really forget about the hurt you have brewing. If she wants to do something with you by all mean hang out with her, but dont make it a daily occurance...you need to limit yourself because then she will use you as a security blanket when she's hurt or feeling down....well like she said she wanted time alone she wants to figure out herself....let her do that...maybe then she'll realize what she has given up on....get what I mean.

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i just went through a bad break up this past june myself. lol after 6 years she said she just wasnt feeling it anymore and wanted to break up, which was fine it had been a long time. she said maybe in the future we'll get back together but who knows...yea.. she left me for my best friend who said when i asked him to not date her no matter how much she tried to get with him he said he wouldnt..that failed. i lost 2 of 3 best friends in one shot and the third best friend live 12 hours away. so we'll now never get back together since im all set with the thought of being compared to my was-buddy. and i no longer talk to him..long story but yea thats the jist of it.

 

anyways i basically reunited with a good buddy who went to a differnt high school than i, hung out all the time and i sorta drank the pain away of being betrayed, back stabbed etc. pretty much every day of the summer including mondays with school the next morning @ 7:30am. not that im suggesting this to you it was expensive and well fun too. basically you have to just completely just seperate yourself from her i had to remove her/him as a friend on facebook because i was always hittin up the page seeing if the tinyest thing had changed. now i havent been with or even kissed anyone for that matter since then which yes is pathetic but going out and banging everything in sight while being great isnt at the same time.

 

well g-luck and just try to seperate yourself from the situation and her as she has presumably with you.

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wow dude sorry to hear that.

 

i guess all i can suggest is to remove everything that reminds you of her. put all of the stuff in a box that she gave you and put it in the bottom of a closet. wash the clothes that smell like her she may have worn of yours. dont call or text her. i agree with rick, if she comes back it was meant to be. i find it helps if you get a long rpg game and play nonstop. itll take ur mind off of her and pass the time.

 

 

 

hopes that help and hope things work out for ya.

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Honestly I say go your own way. Not necessarly give up but don't get caught up in waiting, that makes it so much worse. Im not telling you to go party or date to get her out of your mind or get over her. Im telling you to move on and forget about it, if she talks to you and you want to talk back then do so. Other than that keep it casual friendly.

 

Worse thing I ever did was fight for one of my ex's and its never turned out for the better and it nearly ruined what I have now the most amazing relationship I could hope for.

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i find it helps if you get a long rpg game and play nonstop.

 

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

All in all, just go out and live your life. It'll be hard for a little while, you'll probably think about her a lot and be reminded of her when it comes to a lot of things, and you'll probably be tempted to pick up the phone and call/text her at various times (obviously, don't do it). As everyone's pretty much said, being miserable about it won't change anything. Don't worry about the "what if's", they'll only drive you crazy and bring you down.

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fap all day long.

 

Hate to say it, but she is probably interested in someone else. 90% of the time when this happens to someone I know, that turns out to be the case (myself included, though she used the line "i don't need a boyfriend" when she had actually already gotten a new one lol).

 

Serious relationships are not for most people our age IMO.

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It happens to the best of us man :crazy:

Most everybody posting before me has covered what to do.

Get something to pass the time. When my ex of 8 months broke up with me over another guy, I got into weight-lifting. I took all my anger that made me want to punch the guy's lights out and built myself up to a 215 bench. Working on cars might help? Anything that you can do just to take your mind away from it all. But a physical release is good too. Go for a run or walk, it will clear your mind, trust me-I cleared my mind for 9 miles once.

 

I know it's hard bro, it was for me. But it all happened for the best. Distancing myself made me see who she really was, not blinded by what I had perceived previously. I've got a girl who's great now, and she treats me great unlike the last one. I didn't even notice my ex was horrible for me, but now I see the difference.

 

Good luck man, most of us have been there :thumbsup:

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Did you find anything in the accounts to lead you to believe that there is any other reason for her behavior? Since you didn't post about it, I'd assume you didn't. Therefore, you need to restore your trust in her (and while I would never condone lying, I'd suggest not telling her about going through the accounts if you want her to have any kind of trust left in you... just don't ever do it again). If you are that afraid that you'll go through the accounts again, take a break from the computer for a little while.

 

It seems like you both need time right now to figure out your lives. While it hurts to lose someone close to you, you need to focus on yourself just as much as she needs to focus on herself. This economy sucks, but you need to figure something out as far as getting a job or finding any kind of work goes. Spend time with your family (if you enjoy spending time with them) and your friends. Spend time alone doing things that you enjoy doing, or discover new things. You need to find ways to make yourself feel complete, be your own person.

 

she had some guys messaging her on facebook but nothing that would really think she would cheat on me or even like anyone. but yeah, today i went out with some friends and just hung out. didnt think about us and didnt call her. just tried to do what i've been told and give her space and time.

 

i hope she figures this out because i really miss her. i'm always sad, not as much now as i was the last week or so but i'm really missing her. a lot.

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and her being my best friend i really doubt she'd lie to me. i know for a fact she's never lied to me in our entire relationship. i think it's probably the family thing and her father being a complete piece of crap making her mind change her mind about having a relationship.

 

 

i will not give up on her but i will definitely do what she needs me to do. leave her with her time and school.

 

i still love her. wow.. i really do.

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Make sure you also let her know that your giving her "her space" and when ever she is ready that you will be there for her. Dont just leave her out like that she might think that you dont care and that you have moved on.

 

no job, no money, living with father, in debt, lost my best friend/girlfriend...

 

You just posted the things you need to work on.. maybe the things posted is whats pushing her away. She needs to know that you take care of her.

 

Get a job = You will have money = you wont have to live with your dad = you can pay off your debts = you just proved to her you can be a man.

Edited by VitalSpeed
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When my ex of 8 months broke up with me over another guy, I got into weight-lifting. I took all my anger that made me want to punch the guy's lights out and built myself up to a 215 bench. Working on cars might help? Anything that you can do just to take your mind away from it all. But a physical release is good too. Go for a run or walk, it will clear your mind, trust me-I cleared my mind for 9 miles once.

 

An old friend of mine, after his girlfriend of years broke up with him, started running. Any form of exercise will help out.

 

I wouldn't say to go around trying to get with any other girls (hell, I've been single for just shy of a year now and don't have much interest in dating), but it may not be best to hold onto the thought that she will come back. It would be great if she does, but it'll only wear you down and could ultimately lead to a huge letdown if you think that it's a matter of when rather than if.

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An old friend of mine, after his girlfriend of years broke up with him, started running. Any form of exercise will help out.

 

I wouldn't say to go around trying to get with any other girls (hell, I've been single for just shy of a year now and don't have much interest in dating), but it may not be best to hold onto the thought that she will come back. It would be great if she does, but it'll only wear you down and could ultimately lead to a huge letdown if you think that it's a matter of when rather than if.

 

 

+1 buddy. Don't focus your whole life around her right now, otherwise you'll end up hurting yourself more than anyone else can hurt you. Just hang with the guys and enjoy your time, like you said you weren't thinking about her-that's great. Continue to realize you can have fun without her, you need this even in a relationship, just not to the extent you need it now.

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i've honestly never heard of something like this going on for this long but if her family is encouraging her not to date (and i'm assuming a pure relationship) she may need time away from the fmaily, not away from you. you are supposed to be there to support eachother and help eachother through your problems.

 

if things were "perfect" before, then you haven't gotten to know eachother well enough and she may be hiding something. i don't mean something bad, but she may have been going along with everything for you to try to make you happy, and now she can't handle that, so instead of making you upset by not always agreeing with you, she wants to sepperate altogether. i say that you guys need to work the situation out together, not apart, you are never going to figure out how to live together if you just go off on your own every time something bad happens.

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it's not her family that is asking her to stay away..

 

but yeah i agree.. i think she just has too many things to deal with and figures i'll always be there, she'll just get back with me whenever she's ready.

 

 

she's right. haha.

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