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elevator joke


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I was told this joke is older than dirt but it was new to me..i giggled >_<


> A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees

> this HUGE black guy standing next to him.


> The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says:

> "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3

> pound right testicle, Turner Brown."


> The white man faints and falls to the floor.


> The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy

> says, "What's wrong with you?"


> In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"


> The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give

> you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet

> tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle

> weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is

> Turner Brown."


> The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,

> "Turn around!"

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I'm sure you've all heard these:



1.Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.


2.Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.


3.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"


4.Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.


5.Sell Girl Scout cookies.


6.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.




8.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"


9.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside- down.


10.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.


11.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.


12.Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"


13.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.


14.On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.


15.Do Tai Chi exercises.


16.Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"


17.When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"


18.Give religious tracts to each passenger.


19.Meow occassionally.


20.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.


21.Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"


22.Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.


23.Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.


24.Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.


25.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.


26.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.


27.Leave a box between the doors.


28.Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.


29.Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.


30.Start a sing-along.


31.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"


32.Play the harmonica.


33.Shadow box.


34.Say "Ding!" at each floor.


35.Lean against the button panel.


36.Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.


37.Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.


38.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."


39.Bring a chair along.


40.Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"


41.Blow spit bubbles.


42.Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.


43.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."


44.Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.


45.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.


46.Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

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